Gift Dilemmas 1589 views

With so many well-meaning friends and family hoping to give you wedding gifts you’ll actually be happy with, it’s worth taking time to consider the different options available, says Sarah Richardson.

Although soon-to-wed couples often insist that they do not expect presents for their nuptials, it is usual for guests to give gifts of various kinds. In the past, the items included all manner of household items that may or may not have been to the newlyweds’ taste. Nowadays, however, the possibilities are endless.

The idea of gift lists has been around for some years, and suits many couples perfectly: they browse one or more stores and make a note of things – usually household items – they need or want for their new life together. This approach also makes life easy for guests, who don’t have to wrack their brains for present ideas, and know they’ll be getting you something you’ll be happy with. The internet has made things even simpler: most gift lists can be accessed online, and you can choose and buy a gift in moments.

But what if, however hard you try, you just can’t muster any enthusiasm for the combination of crockery, cookware and bedlinen that tend to feature on such lists? Perhaps you have already been living together for some time and already have all the homewares you need. You could get creative with the items you put on your list. Board games, books and even wine might be possibilities, as long as the buyer feels sure you’ll both enjoy whatever they buy!

Of course, there’s always the more direct approach. Increasingly, couples are asking for vouchers – or even money – as wedding gifts. This can be a delicate issue, and it’s for each individual couple to decide whether their guests are likely to be offended by such a request. Some will raise an eyebrow at the breach of etiquette, but might feel happier if they are told exactly what you plan to spend their contribution on.

If you are planning an extravagant honeymoon, why not ask for gifts in the form of financial contributions to your plans? You could do this in an informal way, allocating all cash gifts to your own ‘honeymoon fund’, or sign up with a company such as HoneyMoney, which will help you split your dream holiday into different elements to be included on a special ‘wish list’. One guest might choose to contribute towards your flight, for example, while another could spend £40 on the poolside cocktails you’ve requested as part of your list. And, while such companies often charge a fee for their services, you might feel it’s a price worth paying to lessen the embarrassment of asking for contributions in a more direct way.

Those looking to make a difference to the lives of others on their big day might like to consider giveit.co.uk’s Alternative Wedding List, an online wedding-list service where gifts take the form of donations to various charities. For £20, guests could cover the costs of a Marie Curie Cancer Care nurse for an hour in the home, while £27 enables Sight Savers International to pay for a cataract operation for a child in Bangladesh. There are no charges for couples and no hidden costs for guests – every penny they spend goes to the charities.

Similarly, Cancer Research UK’s ‘Give in Celebration’ scheme is a positive way of celebrating a special occasion while supporting the charity’s life-saving work. Signing up provides you with a web page through which friends can contribute and leave you an accompanying message.

Once you’ve decided on the approach you’d like to take, how do you let your guests know about it? If you are uncomfortable with the idea of referring to gifts in the same envelope as the wedding invitation, take a more subtle approach by mentioning it on your free WeddingPath personal website, alongside all the other details about your big day. By including the web address of your site on your invitations, you’ll enable guests to seek out the information they need without badgering you – or, as is more traditional, your mother – to find out what type of gift you would like.

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